masturbation

My article on “addictions” – https://stephenmendes.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/

has attracted a whole lot of visits from people doing seaches related to Christian teens and puberty…. therefore I decided to write specifically for this topic, adding to what was presented (about this topic) in the previous post.

I made it clear in the last article that masturbation is not always an “addiction”  (although it can become a terrible addiction in certain people)… and I made a case that it might be beneficial in helping some boys to cope with their “problems” during puberty and the teenage years (a idea accepted by most psychologists but disputed by many Christian counselors)… but for Christian boys it is always going to be “second best” and they should try with God’s help NOT to start this habit… because once started it is hard to stop.

There is much more on MASTURBATION in my post on SEX –https://stephenmendes.wordpress.com/2011/12/11/

But in this article two issues remain to be addressed for those who have already started masturbating:

1. Coping with lust.

2. Coping with guilt.

I realize that (like many issues… for example, church music) there is diversity of opinion,  and each Christian boy has to ultimately sort out this between himself and God.

Although sexual topic is discussed so openly in 2012 (when compared to 20 years ago)…. in many Christian churches, it is still a taboo subject… and there are boys that might feel ashamed to talk about it … they do not think that anybody has “their problems or their feelings”, when in reality, all boys of their age are experiencing similar… 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “There has no temptation taken you  but such as is common to ALL MEN; but God is faithful, who will not permit you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation, also make the way to escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

How then does one practice “Christian masturbation” ? is such a thing possible ?

Let us examine the issues and then you can decide for yourself

First you are going to have to gain control over lustful thoughts and then you may have to deal with a guilty conscience. Is it worth it ?

That depends onYOU… the level of your sex drive… and the amount of seminal fluid that your body makes… even though everybody has “the problem” to some degree there is variation within “normal human parameters” (just like there are tall and short people within a certain range).

If you think you “need” this for physical reasons, you must control your lust which means you cannot think about sex with others while masturbating (I suggest you focus on your own body and enjoy the sensations that you are experiencing… this is what I did from age 11, sometimes in front of a mirror… it is not sinful to have a healthy fondness for your own body provided that you dont go to extreme and become too narcissistic)…. and you may need to deal with guilt (because the devil is going to accuse you and make you feel that you have failed God…. because you were not “strong enough”  to overcome your “need” to masturbate).

COPING WITH LUST

You cannot fight lust by “trying  not to think lustful thoughts”…. because trying not to think of something automatically causes you to think about it… you stop thinking about something, when you focus your attention on SOMETHING ELSE… therefore I advise that you spend your time learning the Bible (your Word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against you – Psalm 119:11 ) and other stuff, like hobbies and schoolwork… this is not only a cure for lust, but a cure for ANY problem in your thoughts… from “depression” to “boredom”… is cured by learning to control (taking charge of) your thoughts… 2 Corinthians 10:5 “… bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ”

COPING WITH GUILT

Most Christian people who tell you that masturbation is wrong….  use your guilt as proof…. they will say “you feel wrong” because God has put this guilt there to let you know that He does not approve… but in most cases this guilt comes directly from these adults in the church who tell you that it is sinful… they make you believe that it is sinful…  your guilty conscience before God interferes with your fellowship with Him and so the devil (and all his demons) just LOVE you to have a “guilty conscience”…. you need to know that GUILT can originate from both God and the devil…. although God can use your guilt to show you that you have done wrong and so bring about salvation…. the devil can also accuse you and make you feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong, and he does this with glee, because he knows it will upset your relationship to God.

What do you do when you feel guilty about something ?

First, check yourself against the Bible… if your guilt has come about because you have sinned, then confess it and ask forgiveness in Jesus name and then REFUSE to accept any more guilt about it….. but also, if after you have checked out the Bible you find there is NO CAUSE for your guilt…. PRAISE THE LORD… and REFUSE the devil’s lie.

CONCLUSION

The Bible says NOTHING about masturbation (or jerking off, as it is commonly called)…. the passage in Genesis 38:8-10 is not about masturbation but about BIRTH CONTROL… Onan did not want the woman to have a child from him and THAT is what displeased God (because he was supposed to give the woman a child on behalf of his dead brother).

This does not mean that masturbation is to be desired, but what it DOES mean is that the physical act is not, of itself, a sin…. therefore it IS possible to masturbate with a clean conscience and God’s favor… but whether this is possible for YOU is quite another matter…. why not talk directly to God about it ?… and  accept His guidance on the matter…. because He alone knows you intimately and it (should be) Him that you are trying to please.

Masturbation can lead to lust, guilt and sexual addiction in any boy…. BUT it does not HAVE TO end this way because you have the LORD… you can be DELIVERED through the power of Jesus from anything, according to your faith…. and masturbation may lead some people into sin (if you do not RESIST the devil and STOP that from happening)

You see… the Christian life is not simply a matter of rules… but is a constant lifelong walk… occasionally stumbling as we go… WE must constantly, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, monitor our thoughts and actions and be prepared to adjust our attitudes and behavior on a daily basis… only then can we avoid the pitfalls of extremism and hypocrisy.

If you masturbate do NOT abandon GOD because you may feel unable to stop masturbating… GOD has so much more planned for your life, try to see the “bigger” picture… and do not blow this whole issue out of proportion or allow it to be a “stumbling block” in your life, because THAT IS JUST WHAT THE DEVIL WANTS (so he can pull you away from God and into further sin)

If you masturbate, PRAISE GOD for your healthy body and all the pleasure you experience from it BUT do not “overdo” it (to the point where you spend most of your time focused on this) ….. you are expected to have discipline and self-control in your life.

FOR CHRISTIAN PARENTS

Some infants and very young boys “accidentally discover” masturbation….. even though they do not even know what it is…. it’s hard to stop them from “playing with themselves” (because the pleasure link has been established) as in most cases making a fuss over it will make the situation FAR WORSE and they are too young to exert self-discipline at this age…. instead just try to get them to understand that they must do it PRIVATELY as certain things are just not appropriate when other people are around… and try to get them interested in OTHER things so they will not get unduly focused on this.

Such childhood “play” does NOT indicate they will grow up to be “sex obsessed” adults…. but drawing too much attention to it, by making it into a “big deal”, will increase their focus in this area.

I hope this article helps somebody…. please leave a comment or email me if you wish.

MY TESTIMONY

I was a Christian child who lived in total innocence until puberty struck…. as a teenager, I regarded “sex” as a curse…. the dreams, the soiled sheets… although masturbation freed me from that and I remained a virgin (as far as girls were concerned)…. it brought guilt and all the problems I have mentioned in this article….. I now have a wonderful wife that God chose specifically for me (we have been married for 21 years) and He is still delivering me from all the “problems” that I brought upon myself because of my many wrong choices (not the masturbation issue)…. What am I trying to tell you ?… ABSTINENCE IS YOUR BETTER CHOICE… but if it is already  “too late for that” DO NOT DESPAIR… God can repair and restore your life….. He can “restore to you the years that the locusts have eaten” (Joel 2:25)….. take all your despair and frustration to God and allow Him to make something beautiful out of your life…. BELIEVE ME, HE CAN DO IT FOR YOU TOO.

There is much more on MASTURBATION in my post on SEX –https://stephenmendes.wordpress.com/2011/12/11/

A HELPFUL GUIDE to all the QUESTIONS that growing boys have is located at
The Boys’ Growing Up in the Lord

17 thoughts on “masturbation

  1. i usually agree with most of your articles but this one is confusing to me…if the Bible says (KJV) “flee fornication” in 1Cor. 6:18 – meaning literally to run away quickly, and fornication is any type of sex other than between two married people (one man + one woman) then that would make masturbation sex with oneself…which is fornication. that is the way it was explained to me, which makes Biblical sense. but…like everything else, people will do as they like, and answer to Jah later on…be blessed, A.

    • I will review my wording and possibly change a few things…. my intent was definitely NOT to encourage masturbation (because it does have associated risks of lust, addiction and guilt) but to encourage young people who already having this problem not to ABANDON their relationship with God over it.

      Whether we like it or not…. most christian boys have this “problem” these days and it drives large number of teen BOYS away from the Lord and christian fellowship groups associated with their church (where they have been raised from infancy).

      I am not disputing the fact that it is BETTER not to start masturbating (if you have never done it)…. because I readily agree it is BETTER TO ABSTAIN.

      But once it has been “started”….. many, many feel “trapped” by it… and eventually it drives them away from the Lord and his people, since they can neither overcome it nor deal with the guilt that they feel over it.

      God does not “cut them off” because of it…. rather they cut themselves off from God as the devil uses their guilty conscience to drive a wedge between themselves and God.

      I would dispute that masturbation is fornication… an act which involves another human being.,,,, ask yourself if suicide is the same as murdering someone else ?? (if you want to go down that line of reasoning).

      Finally… it is far, far easier for females to avoid masturbation altogether because of the way God has made them…. I know we have this idea today that there must be no gender distinction between the sexes…… but this is NOWHERE taught in Scripture….. in fact, the current preoccupation of the world with “equality of the sexes” was in fact predicted in the Bible as one of the signs of the “end times” (but that’s another topic)

      I am happily married and no longer masturbate…. but it is quite difficult for me to imagine that I could have gotten through my entire youth without doing so…. I was not married until I was 33 years old.

      While I am not saying that it is impossible for a boy to accomplish this kind of abstinence….. I am 100% certain that it is not the “norm”…. therefore my position is that GOD does not expect the boys who have already “failed” in this area to abandon the church…. and reconcile themselves to a life of sin in the world with the assumption “I could as well fornicate and live a life of sexual sin because the masturbation is just as bad anyhow”…. because this idea comes straight from the pit of hell to ensure a complete enslavement of the victim and further separation from God.

  2. Hello faithbond777,

    I just visited your blog and made a substantially long comment in answer to your short question… if you chose to display it then I can just send persons over there to read it..

    In a nutshell…
    After becoming a Christian…. I gave up…. and became a backslider
    I had the masturbation habit from the time I was 14 and never went more than a week without enjoying it……. and eventually got involved in photographing naked people (I am a photographer) and displaying the photos as “art” on the internet…. I had lots of “fans” of my “work”…. and I was so blinded by the demons that I saw “nothing wrong” with that at all… after all, “it was not actually porn”… and “masturbation is harmless as it does not involve anybody else”

    But I was doing the Devil’s work… because my photos were supporting the masturbation habits of men all over the world… so what’s wrong with that ?… well I did not see anything wrong with it either…. but all it was doing was promoting sexual obsession among humans while WASTING my life away.. because I had forsaken all my other interests along the way as I spent more and more time working with these photos, answering email from fans, promoting nudity in the forums.

    On a bed of sickness, I wanted to praise GOD again… and I reached for my Worship tapes…… and I discovered the “shocking” truth, I was controlled by demon(s)… they tried to hurt me, rather than let me get back to GOD

    I was devastated… when I realized what tremendous waste of a life and what I could have done with all that time… and it all started with an innocent masturbation habit that SHOULD have relieved my needs but actually increased my focus on SEXUALITY

    But PRAISE GOD…. IN HIS MERCY AND LOVE…. HE DELIVERED ME

    The BIBLE is the TRUTH…. people can argue all they want over it…. they can debate it… discuss it….. but I KNOW…. because I have experienced the power and presence of GOD and He delivered me from the torment of demons.

    GOD has totally changed my life… and in HIS power…. I go out now to spread the message of the GOOD NEWS of a LOVING GOD who does not want that any should perish but that all might be saved through the provision He has made….. HIS OWN DEAR SON…. sacrificed on our behalf… instead of us…. HOW can we neglect such a GREAT GIFT ?

  3. I have a question. You are not saying or encouraging christian boys to masturebate and most articles that I’ve read says that the bible do not mentiom the “M” word and that is true. Now my question is, if masturebation is something good and not a sin “Why did God create wet dreams to relieve the extra semen?”
    Isn’t that a sign that masturebation is also something of this world and is a sin.

    • Thanks for writing. My short answer to your question is in the comment below this one… the next comment

      In this comment…. I examine the whole concept of sin in general… and how one “walks with God”

      Romans 14:23 tells us that “whatever is not of faith is sin”. This is an awesome verse because it sweeps away our list of “do’s” and “dont’s”…. in fact it makes ANYTHING, potentially a sin.

      Our walk with the LORD should be the MOST IMPORTANT and DEAR to us…. but how close are we to God ?…. do we TRULY DESIRE to be 100% dedicated to him ?…. He does not in any way force us, we must want to go deeper with God and we must be willing to make the sacrifices to meet the conditions that such a fellowship requires.

      Each of God’s dear children is an INDIVIDUAL…. different from the others…. what may not be a “stumbling block” to one…. may cause the “undoing” of another…. what makes it even more complicated is that something God allows in our lives today, as we grow closer to Him over time, He may ask us to forsake.

      I am fully persuaded that the physical act of masturbation is not, of itself, sinful…. rather it is the motive behind why one is doing it and the thoughts that one may think and actions that might follow from it… that could be sinful and need to be carefully considered by each individual.

      However if you truly believe that it is a sin…. then for you…. it IS a sin.

      If you are unsure, then talk to God about it…. He will reveal the way you should go and also provide the victory over it, should He call you to forsake it.

      As I said in my article, I believe abstinence to be the better choice for those who are able to receive it… but if anyone is already masturbating, I do not condemn them and neither does Jesus…. you can be free if you want to be, but the only good reason for change is because you feel that He is leading you in that direction.

      BELIEVE that “God works in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13) and when He is ready to deal with ANYTHING in your life that is not pleasing to Him, you will find the strength to go forward… eventually…. even if not at first (I argued, pleaded, tried to get God “to see it my way” and He patiently waited… He did not forsake me when I did not co-operate…. but eventually I gave in, confessed that He must know best even if I could not “see it”, and then we went on together to victory…. why ? … because I could not stand to have anything between us… I NEEDED the peace of knowing that God was totally happy with me).

      What is the point of “do’s” and “dont’s” if you do not have fellowship with God ? WE can NEVER be righteous and holy… but IN CHRIST, we stand justified and forgiven… and through the Holy Spirit we have sweet fellowship with our Creator, as He molds and shapes our lives according to His infinite wisdom…. and we see the result and know it has to be Him, because we know we are just not the same as we were before and we marvel at it….. but THAT is just what happens as we walk… year by year… with our LORD.

      • I don’t feel masturbation is a sin. Growing up as a Catholic I was taught it to be wrong. Now that I am an adult, I feel that it’s a normal function and a necessity to release the semen to be relaxed. It is the same need as to eat , drink and sleep.

      • The Catholic church has a lot of doctrines that are not according to the Bible.
        I agree with you EXCEPT that a person must guard their thoughts while masturbating…. indulging wrong thoughts is sinful and when those thoughts get linked to the act of masturbation then it becomes harder to resist them.
        Thoughts ARE important… the Bible says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7)

  4. Ok, so, according to your article, does this mean that guys should thank God for masturbation and guys should masturbate without lust? And would masturbation be a gift of God?

    Also, from your article, would “abstinence” be abstaining FROM masturbation or would ot be using masturbation as a form of abstinence from sex?

    • YES, guys should thank GOD for their masturbation, because the Bible says, “in EVERYTHING give thanks; for this is the will of God….” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

      BUT guys must masturbate WITHOUT lust… or else they should not masturbate at all, and any guys who find themselves lusting need to seek deliverance from their LUST.

      The “sexual system” was designed by GOD and the pleasurable feelings guys experience in their body were created by Him for guys to enjoy… masturbation allows guys to enjoy the pleasure experience WITHOUT sexual SIN…. therefore, in that way, masturbation IS a “gift from God”.

      Guys MUST abstain from sex (unless they are married)…. whether masturbation helps guys abstain from sex is NOT CERTAIN because for some guys masturbation actually increases their lust (they want sex with somebody), therefore abstinence from masturbation will ensure that they are never faced with this situation… so for example, if you never drink alcohol you cannot become an alcoholic BUT if you take an occasional drink there is a POSSIBILITY you could become an alcoholic later in life…. the Bible does not forbid the drinking of alcohol… Jesus turned water into wine (John 2:3-10) but FORBIDS DRUNKENNESS, therefore it is up to the individual if they want to take the “risk” of a drink or not.

      Personally, I do not believe (based on Bible) that anybody is a BORN alcoholic (meaning will automatically become an alcoholic if they ever take a first drink)….. and I do not believe that anybody is BORN gay (even though some people believe that about themselves)…. people have “inclinations” and people have “tendencies” but everybody also has within themselves the power to make “choices”…. FREE WILL is a gift of GOD to EVERYONE.

      I pray I helped you …. and welcome any other questions you may have

      thanks for writing me

  5. OF COURSE Masturbtion is VERY SINFUL.
    Masturbation is a sin of adultery.Read Mathew 5:28.Sin of adultery because of that person do the masturbation with imagine their imaginer sex partner in his/her brain.

    Masturbation is a sin of sex deviation like homosexuality, lesbianism, bisexual, oral sex, petting.Masturbation is sex deviation because of that is not normal sex as God created it., although somebody do that without imagine their imaginer sex patner(ussualy woman/girls) Normal sex is male with female.Read Rome 1:26 to 27
    Masturbation can be called selfie sex.
    Ok i am sure this explanation and the verses are very clear for you.
    Jesus Bless You

    • I DISAGREE in part with your statements, although masturbation CAN be “very sinful” …… this is not always the case.

      Unlike idolatry, coveteousness, robbery and other activities that are UNIVERSALLY sinful…… the act of masturbation is neutral and neither good nor evil….. therefore the “sinfulness” of masturbation comes from the manner in which it is practiced…. i.e. if accompanied by pornography or unclean mental imagery

      Romans 14:14 makes an amazing statement that ANYTHING can be sinful for a specific person if they BELIEVE it to be sinful.

      So even if masturbation is neither good nor evil….. and you BELIEVE it is sinful, then it IS sinful FOR YOU….. regardless of what anybody else may be doing with a “pure” conscience.

      Difficult as it is for people to accept this…. there are quite a few things that fall into this category…. things that in themselves are neither good nor evil….. but depend on an individuals CONSCIENCE

      Other examples are MUSIC (CCM versus hymns versus no music at all)….. WORSHIP DAY (Saturday, Sunday or some other day of the week)….. and FOOD (types of acceptable meat versus vegetarianism)

      You have taken it upon yourself to judge other people in respect of an activity that YOU believe to be wrong based on YOUR understanding of the Bible.

      Thanks be to GOD that he does not think like humans….. Seventh Day Adventists are not the only ones going to be saved…… nor Jehovah’s Witnesses …. or Roman Catholics…. or Pentecostals.

      “Let each man be fully persuaded in his own mind” Romans 14:5

      “happy is he that condemns not himself in that thing which he allows” Romans 14:22

      WHAT EVERY READER OF MY POST should be doing is seeking direct relationship with GOD and fellowship with HIM…… the Christian life is NOT a long list of RULES applicable to everybody (that was the Pharisees ERROR) …… but rather a personal relationship with the living Christ who will fashion YOUR life according to His wonderful plan for you.

  6. Stephen, I am glad to see that you allow for masturbation in the life of a Christian. You are both kind and courageous to do so. I think it might be helpful for you to think further about the issue of “lust”. Not only are many Christian confused about masturbation, even more are confused as to what it means to lust. Lust is not strong desire; lust is desire couple with the INTENT to sin with the person for whom you experience that desire.

    You may find the following website helpful:
    http://www.christiansandmasturbation.com

    God bless you.

    • Adam,

      I DISAGREE with that website….. it takes things TOO FAR……. while I agree that masturbation is a gray area and it can be permitted under certain circumstances…. the website you have quoted would suggest that NUDITY is quite OK…. and that is simply not the case…. we should NOT be looking at other people’s nudity…. GOD CLOTHED ADAM AND EVE for a very definite reason….. I used to believe as you do….. however GOD has shown me that that position is WRONG… at first, I disagreed with GOD because I could not understand how it could be wrong….. but once I OBEYED Him, I have received both blessing AND understanding…. now I have OVERCOME my intense interest in other people’s nudity and with God’s help I know how to guard my mind against returning to it…… I DO NOT ENDORSE YOUR WEBSITE at all.

  7. I started masturbating at a time that I thought it was better than fornication. I was even happy with myself. But then websites and devotionals started making me guilty about it though I still do it. What do you think? Am I wrong for still holding on to my original ideas?

    • Hi Ethel…. it IS better than fornication… but it is your thoughts that really determine whether you need to stop or not….. if you can masturbate without thinking of sex with other people, what do you think about while you are masturbating ?….. as you draw closer to God through prayer, He will guide you about your masturbation either remove the guilt or help you to stop ….. it is God’s Holy Spirit in His children that enables us to live for Him…. be honest when you talk to Him in prayer and surrender your life to Him and He will guide you and change you so that you do the right thing and become the person that He wants you to be.

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