I had been going through a time of testing designed by God to increase my TRUST in His providential care of me.
Doctors and family members were urging me to take medication. but it is a known fact that medications associated with sleep problems and anxiety rarely help in the longterm and create dependencies that are hard to break.
I refused to take medication…. I reasoned that since God is trying to increase my TRUST in Him…. the crux on the matter is that I must give up my desire for the kind of sleep that I want to get and in FAITH …. BELIEVE that He will give me enough sleep to sustain me…. it is after all a TEST and therefore He is not going to destroy my health when I am doing what He wants anyway, TRUSTING in a practical way.
I want to tell you that it was neither easy or pleasant…. but on many occasions He came to my rescue in the night and enabled me to get some amount of sleep….. but peace and joy eluded me (except for brief periods) and most of the time I was in complete misery.
During the months that this persisted, I was talking about it with most people that I met….. and I was amazed at how many people have sleep problems either chronically or occasionally …. I met many with far worse stories than my own.
I held on to the firm belief that eventually I would have a glorious future of wonderful sleeping and a heart filled with peace and joy and contentment once again….. even though I simply could not make this happen for myself.
My breakthrough came in two distinct phases…… first I abandoned myself completely to God, since I was overwhelmed many times and unable to quiet or control my own body…… this certainly improved my condition whenever I was able to put it into practice.
I started to read the works of Christian writers…… Watchman Nee “The Normal Christian Life” and R.A Torrey “How to Pray” …. I realize now that it was God Himself who sent me to these particular books…… I needed personal communion with God…. so many people pray and talk to God but have to admit that He does not communicate back to them.
The second phase of my breakthrough…. was when the love of Christ actually became a reality in my soul….. I actually FELT loved, cared for, protected…… all fear and worry was banished and I slept peacefully again.
For those of you who do not know God personally…… I would suppose your only options are either drugs or Yoga, TM, Biofeedback or some other control techniques used to strengthen your own mental control over your physical body ….. these may get you what you want for now …. but they are a short term measure because ultimately you will grow old and things will happen to your body over which you have no control whatsoever.
It is not so for those in communion with Christ ….. because He fills the life and afterwards receives us to glory…. He takes care of us throughout this life and beyond.
Giving up our will to Him is not such a bad idea when you consider the facts…… God is ultimate GOODNESS (humans could not even know what “good” is without Him…. all kindness, love, happiness, peace in this world are simply reflections of what He has placed in us at the creation)……. the IDEA that any human is fully “in control” of their own destiny is really an ILLUSION anyway (temporarily permitted by God on this earthbound existence only) for a limited time….. think about it….. and then consider the claims of Jesus Christ because the whole of human history from creation to eventual destruction revolves around HIM…… CHRIST is the central theme of the Universe….. and to think that some people use His name as a swear word is absolutely unfathomable.