Sexual Purity – Part 3

This is Part 3 of the notes I made for a talk I delivered on sexual purity to the teenage boys of the ISCF Leadership Training Camp.

The most frequent question I get:…    Is masturbation a sin or not ?

There is NOT A SIMPLE ANSWER…. Romans 14:22 tells us that ANYTHING at all can be SIN…. ‘because whatever is not of faith is sin’…. and even “morally neutral” stuff can be sinful under certain circumstances….. for examples: eating too much food or drinking too much wine.

Some  Christians believe masturbation is a sin (and for them it would be a sin ) because their conscience would  convict them if they did it.

This is something that only God can show to each person individually….  the Bible does not discuss it…..  and certainly, to my mind, if God condemned it (like murder, fornication or covetousness)  then He would have said so in the Bible and in more than one passage also !

Therefore my position is,  that the physical act is no different than an “involuntary” wet-dream…. the “sinfulness” of masturbation is in the THOUGHTS and INTENTS of the heart.

So whether  it is sinful FOR YOU… depends on…

The reason WHY you are masturbating and WHAT  you are thinking about when doing so.

Like drinking alcohol it can become an addiction for certain people, therefore it would be best to avoid it altogether to eliminate this potential risk…. but WHY NOT LET GOD GUIDE YOU ? (He would know whether it will become a “snare” for you or not)…. the Christian life is NOT about simply “do’s” and “dont’s”….. it is a relationship with GOD and THAT is what you should want most of all !

Sexual sin is the number one reason why teenagers abandon God.

Sexual sin is Satan’s most successful  weapon against Christians.

Masturbation can lead you on to sexual sin…. unless you guard your THOUGHTS and live close to the LORD.

Can you masturbate without lust ?… without viewing pornography ? …. without thinking about sex with other people  ?

It IS possible to do this…. but can YOU do this ?   If not, masturbation will cause you to sin and make you feel very guilty afterwards.

Another reason why it’s not a good habit to start is that after years of masturbating you may find it hard to please your wife (when you eventually marry her) by then you  will have grown totally accustomed to pleasing yourself.

Personal pleasure is not sinful…. but it becomes sinful  when it affects others negatively and when it becomes too important in your life (constantly seeking personal pleasure means it has become an IDOL in your life… and if this happens it will affect your relationship with God).

Let GOD direct your sex life ….. just like you would let him direct your choice of career or your use of time…. putting GOD first in your life is the goal as a Christian youth !

masturbation

My article on “addictions” – https://stephenmendes.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/

has attracted a whole lot of visits from people doing seaches related to Christian teens and puberty…. therefore I decided to write specifically for this topic, adding to what was presented (about this topic) in the previous post.

I made it clear in the last article that masturbation is not always an “addiction”  (although it can become a terrible addiction in certain people)… and I made a case that it might be beneficial in helping some boys to cope with their “problems” during puberty and the teenage years (a idea accepted by most psychologists but disputed by many Christian counselors)… but for Christian boys it is always going to be “second best” and they should try with God’s help NOT to start this habit… because once started it is hard to stop.

There is much more on MASTURBATION in my post on SEX –https://stephenmendes.wordpress.com/2011/12/11/

But in this article two issues remain to be addressed for those who have already started masturbating:

1. Coping with lust.

2. Coping with guilt.

I realize that (like many issues… for example, church music) there is diversity of opinion,  and each Christian boy has to ultimately sort out this between himself and God.

Although sexual topic is discussed so openly in 2012 (when compared to 20 years ago)…. in many Christian churches, it is still a taboo subject… and there are boys that might feel ashamed to talk about it … they do not think that anybody has “their problems or their feelings”, when in reality, all boys of their age are experiencing similar… 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “There has no temptation taken you  but such as is common to ALL MEN; but God is faithful, who will not permit you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation, also make the way to escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

How then does one practice “Christian masturbation” ? is such a thing possible ?

Let us examine the issues and then you can decide for yourself

First you are going to have to gain control over lustful thoughts and then you may have to deal with a guilty conscience. Is it worth it ?

That depends onYOU… the level of your sex drive… and the amount of seminal fluid that your body makes… even though everybody has “the problem” to some degree there is variation within “normal human parameters” (just like there are tall and short people within a certain range).

If you think you “need” this for physical reasons, you must control your lust which means you cannot think about sex with others while masturbating (I suggest you focus on your own body and enjoy the sensations that you are experiencing… this is what I did from age 11, sometimes in front of a mirror… it is not sinful to have a healthy fondness for your own body provided that you dont go to extreme and become too narcissistic)…. and you may need to deal with guilt (because the devil is going to accuse you and make you feel that you have failed God…. because you were not “strong enough”  to overcome your “need” to masturbate).

COPING WITH LUST

You cannot fight lust by “trying  not to think lustful thoughts”…. because trying not to think of something automatically causes you to think about it… you stop thinking about something, when you focus your attention on SOMETHING ELSE… therefore I advise that you spend your time learning the Bible (your Word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against you – Psalm 119:11 ) and other stuff, like hobbies and schoolwork… this is not only a cure for lust, but a cure for ANY problem in your thoughts… from “depression” to “boredom”… is cured by learning to control (taking charge of) your thoughts… 2 Corinthians 10:5 “… bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ”

COPING WITH GUILT

Most Christian people who tell you that masturbation is wrong….  use your guilt as proof…. they will say “you feel wrong” because God has put this guilt there to let you know that He does not approve… but in most cases this guilt comes directly from these adults in the church who tell you that it is sinful… they make you believe that it is sinful…  your guilty conscience before God interferes with your fellowship with Him and so the devil (and all his demons) just LOVE you to have a “guilty conscience”…. you need to know that GUILT can originate from both God and the devil…. although God can use your guilt to show you that you have done wrong and so bring about salvation…. the devil can also accuse you and make you feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong, and he does this with glee, because he knows it will upset your relationship to God.

What do you do when you feel guilty about something ?

First, check yourself against the Bible… if your guilt has come about because you have sinned, then confess it and ask forgiveness in Jesus name and then REFUSE to accept any more guilt about it….. but also, if after you have checked out the Bible you find there is NO CAUSE for your guilt…. PRAISE THE LORD… and REFUSE the devil’s lie.

CONCLUSION

The Bible says NOTHING about masturbation (or jerking off, as it is commonly called)…. the passage in Genesis 38:8-10 is not about masturbation but about BIRTH CONTROL… Onan did not want the woman to have a child from him and THAT is what displeased God (because he was supposed to give the woman a child on behalf of his dead brother).

This does not mean that masturbation is to be desired, but what it DOES mean is that the physical act is not, of itself, a sin…. therefore it IS possible to masturbate with a clean conscience and God’s favor… but whether this is possible for YOU is quite another matter…. why not talk directly to God about it ?… and  accept His guidance on the matter…. because He alone knows you intimately and it (should be) Him that you are trying to please.

Masturbation can lead to lust, guilt and sexual addiction in any boy…. BUT it does not HAVE TO end this way because you have the LORD… you can be DELIVERED through the power of Jesus from anything, according to your faith…. and masturbation may lead some people into sin (if you do not RESIST the devil and STOP that from happening)

You see… the Christian life is not simply a matter of rules… but is a constant lifelong walk… occasionally stumbling as we go… WE must constantly, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, monitor our thoughts and actions and be prepared to adjust our attitudes and behavior on a daily basis… only then can we avoid the pitfalls of extremism and hypocrisy.

If you masturbate do NOT abandon GOD because you may feel unable to stop masturbating… GOD has so much more planned for your life, try to see the “bigger” picture… and do not blow this whole issue out of proportion or allow it to be a “stumbling block” in your life, because THAT IS JUST WHAT THE DEVIL WANTS (so he can pull you away from God and into further sin)

If you masturbate, PRAISE GOD for your healthy body and all the pleasure you experience from it BUT do not “overdo” it (to the point where you spend most of your time focused on this) ….. you are expected to have discipline and self-control in your life.

FOR CHRISTIAN PARENTS

Some infants and very young boys “accidentally discover” masturbation….. even though they do not even know what it is…. it’s hard to stop them from “playing with themselves” (because the pleasure link has been established) as in most cases making a fuss over it will make the situation FAR WORSE and they are too young to exert self-discipline at this age…. instead just try to get them to understand that they must do it PRIVATELY as certain things are just not appropriate when other people are around… and try to get them interested in OTHER things so they will not get unduly focused on this.

Such childhood “play” does NOT indicate they will grow up to be “sex obsessed” adults…. but drawing too much attention to it, by making it into a “big deal”, will increase their focus in this area.

I hope this article helps somebody…. please leave a comment or email me if you wish.

MY TESTIMONY

I was a Christian child who lived in total innocence until puberty struck…. as a teenager, I regarded “sex” as a curse…. the dreams, the soiled sheets… although masturbation freed me from that and I remained a virgin (as far as girls were concerned)…. it brought guilt and all the problems I have mentioned in this article….. I now have a wonderful wife that God chose specifically for me (we have been married for 21 years) and He is still delivering me from all the “problems” that I brought upon myself because of my many wrong choices (not the masturbation issue)…. What am I trying to tell you ?… ABSTINENCE IS YOUR BETTER CHOICE… but if it is already  “too late for that” DO NOT DESPAIR… God can repair and restore your life….. He can “restore to you the years that the locusts have eaten” (Joel 2:25)….. take all your despair and frustration to God and allow Him to make something beautiful out of your life…. BELIEVE ME, HE CAN DO IT FOR YOU TOO.

There is much more on MASTURBATION in my post on SEX –https://stephenmendes.wordpress.com/2011/12/11/

A HELPFUL GUIDE to all the QUESTIONS that growing boys have is located at
The Boys’ Growing Up in the Lord

sex

This topic is immensely popular and the world in now more sex-centered than it ever was in the past.

The course of people’s lives is dominated and dictated by their sexual appetites.

We need to clearly understand God’s perspective on sex and Christian young people need to avoid wrong-thinking on this subject.

God designed sex to between two people for life…. read Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:6 – 9 … and I want to testify to the fact that when you allow God to pick your partner for you… your sex will be the BEST and you will have no “spiritual” guilt about it …. I have now been married for 21 years and I love her more than when we first got married.

But it was not always so…. as a young man, I explored sex according to my own desires… and discovered through hard experience and much distress, pain and suffering that nothing satisfying was possible UNTIL I accepted God’s plan and allowed him to guide and direct this area of my life.

I must not trivialize this … it is HARD for a Christian teenager to deal with sexual urges without sin…. “marriage” is YEARS in the future and right now…  urges seem “impossible” to control and hard to ignore……   if we sin, Jesus will forgive us and help us to carry on… but our GUILT comes about when we realize that we are doing this over and over again and that we actually LIKE our sin and dont want to stop…. it is at this point, that many leave the Church and “give up the fight”…. that’s what happened to me… I mean, what was the alternative, live as a HYPOCRITE ?

This is the experience of lots of Christian boys at puberty…. and from my experience, it just got worse throughout my teenage years.

MASTURBATION

The ERROR of churches that proclaim that masturbation is sin…

First they need to define exactly what “masturbation” is ?…  baby boys fondle their penis and experience “pleasant sensations” is it masturbation  ?… grown adult men may fondle their penis and enjoy the sensation of a “morning erection” but stop the fondling just before they reach orgasm … is that masturbation ?….. some teen boys could have an “unexpected” orgasm while hanging from a tree …. or rubbing their penis between pillows… is that masturbation ? … If we go with the above, then ALL MALES are masturbators to some extent…… if we say that “a masturbator” is limited to a person who manipulates themself to orgasm while looking at internet porn, then it is the porn and the LUST of it that is “sinful” …. but not the masturbation itself.

Second, they may take the position that masturbation is sin because it is self-pleasure and “sex” was created for the procreation of children…. but then all people should stop sex after they have procreated several children… and if the self-pleasure is the sin, then they should seriously take a look at all the other things that they do that bring them pleasure…. eating, watching movies or whatever it may be !

In reality…. masturbation is no more sinful than enjoying a good meal…. once the lust, guilt and addiction is REMOVED… or totally ABSENT.

ANYTHING can be a sin if … (A) YOU believe it to be a sin and  (B) you have no control over it.

Many of the Christian people who proclaim that masturbation is a sin are former porn addicts…. who, like alcoholics, MUST of necessity, keep away from it because they cannot enjoy it in a SINLESS way ….. or …

Ascetics…. people who believe that ALL “fleshly” pleasure is sinful…. an extreme position that frequently leads to HYPOCRISY…. when they are driven to much worse vices after years or unrealistic and unnatural ASCETICISM…

Read my post on MASTURBATION… a separate topic… to find out, if (or how) a Christians can masturbate without sin.

Read my post on ADDICTIONS… a separate topic… to find out, if (or how) you can overcome (or avoid) addiction to masturbation.

Young men who refuse to get sexually involved with girls because of their desire to avoid FORNICATION come under a lot of  silly scrutiny and may face questions about their “sexual orientation”

HOMOSEXUALITY

In 2011, much publicity is given to the “gay alternative lifestyle”… and this is RUINING YOUNG MEN….. natural curiosity about the sexual functioning of other boys is quite NORMAL at puberty and DOES NOT MEAN that one is “gay”…. read my earlier message on masturbation….  in fact, most boys have this mental curiosity although most deny it through fear of being thought “gay”…. because of the current global pre-occupation with “gay issues”, any boy who asks a question or shows any kind of sexual interest in another boy (or boys) is going to be regarded as “gay” and, what is much worse, may then REGARD HIMSELF as “gay”…. before he has even had a chance to experience a relationship with a girl, much less another boy….. this is a PATHETIC consequence of our society’s pre-occupation with sexual “orientation”…. I have met boys who have convinced THEMSELVES that they are “gay” and then proceeded to “live it out”….. and all because of some incident  that occured in their childhood.

Let me state empatically….. GOD DOES NOT CREATE PEOPLE “GAY”….  and this FACT brings HOPE to thousands of people trapped in “lifestyles” that are CONTRARY to the WORD OF GOD.

The gay “agenda”…. recognition and acceptance…. and everybody who stands in their way conveniently labelled “homophobic”…. is a MOST SATANIC distortion of human sexuality….. consistent with the END-TIME PROPHECY  and the rise of ANTI-CHRIST.

But for people who acknowledge that there is a God…. and that He is not just some impersonal, dis-interested “force”…. but rather a Creator with a PLAN, who has taught us the way we are supposed to live our lives…. we CANNOT just do what seems right to us and expect Him to accept our plan instead of His.

We must speak the TRUTH in LOVE…… I have very close and dear friends who are gay, although I would love them to come to Jesus and tackle their gay “problem” with HIS help…. I cannot change them, I can only love them, pray for them and and let them live the lives they have chosen for themselves…..  they know my position on the issue and if they still want to be friendly that is a GOOD thing….  as long as life remains there is HOPE for change…. and who can tell what the future holds ?

He says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death”…..   Proverbs 14:12 and Proverbs 16:25

He says,”If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have commited an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. (Leviticus 20:13)

He says, “The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment; for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.” (Deuteronomy 22:5)

He says, “Know you not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God ? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were SOME OF YOU; but you are washed, but you are sanctified, but you are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9 – 11)

First of all, homosexual behaviour is against God’s plan…. but so are many other more “respectable” vices, therefore homosexuality is not the “only” sin or the “worst” sin….. too many people believe that this sin is somehow “worse” than all other sin….. EVERYONE needs the SAVIOUR and not just homosexuals !

Secondly, God is willing to FORGIVE anyone that is committing sins…. and to ENABLE them to live the “proper life” (no matter how impossible that may SEEM to such a person in such a situation).

Thirdly, declaring that people are just “born that way” and everybody should just “accept” it, is the BIGGEST LIE of all….  it is nothing but a COP OUT and an EXCUSE… to “legitimize”  SIN…. Christians cannot support “gay rights” because it’s BAD for the gays themselves….. they need to see the NEED to change….  nobody should “bash” gays, they need respect and love, but NOT approval or affirmation !

Nobody should condemn anybody (because all have sinned in some way)…. but such people need to realize for themselves, that this “alternative lifestyle” IS SIN…. it is not “OK”….  and they need to deal with it … with the HELP OF GOD.

Simply because it is “hard” to deal with is no reason to pronounce it “OK” ….. such a position is FOLLY and contadicts common sense (why not take all the other SINS and make them OK too).

Sympathy, understanding and forgiveness is what a gay, transvestite or transgender person needs…  but NOT “a pat on the back telling them everything is OK and they can continue on with their lifestyle”

Jesus said to the woman taken in adultery, “neither do I condemn you. go and SIN NO MORE”… Read John 8:4 -11

God wants you to enjoy sexual pleasure… but in the right way…. see my message on masturbation for unmarried persons.

If you are a teenager battling with your own lust and sexual urges (as I once was), you may write me (or call) for prayer or advice… smendesbarbados@yahoo.com…. (or call +1-246-230-4818)

Prayer for Today:

Loving Father, may my lifehood experiences help somebody today…. for Jesus sake… Amen.