masturbation

My article on “addictions” – https://stephenmendes.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/

has attracted a whole lot of visits from people doing seaches related to Christian teens and puberty…. therefore I decided to write specifically for this topic, adding to what was presented (about this topic) in the previous post.

I made it clear in the last article that masturbation is not always an “addiction”  (although it can become a terrible addiction in certain people)… and I made a case that it might be beneficial in helping some boys to cope with their “problems” during puberty and the teenage years (a idea accepted by most psychologists but disputed by many Christian counselors)… but for Christian boys it is always going to be “second best” and they should try with God’s help NOT to start this habit… because once started it is hard to stop.

There is much more on MASTURBATION in my post on SEX -https://stephenmendes.wordpress.com/2011/12/11/

But in this article two issues remain to be addressed for those who have already started masturbating:

1. Coping with lust.

2. Coping with guilt.

I realize that (like many issues… for example, church music) there is diversity of opinion,  and each Christian boy has to ultimately sort out this between himself and God.

Although sexual topic is discussed so openly in 2012 (when compared to 20 years ago)…. in many Christian churches, it is still a taboo subject… and there are boys that might feel ashamed to talk about it … they do not think that anybody has “their problems or their feelings”, when in reality, all boys of their age are experiencing similar… 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “There has no temptation taken you  but such as is common to ALL MEN; but God is faithful, who will not permit you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation, also make the way to escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

How then does one practice “Christian masturbation” ? is such a thing possible ?

Let us examine the issues and then you can decide for yourself

First you are going to have to gain control over lustful thoughts and then you may have to deal with a guilty conscience. Is it worth it ?

That depends onYOU… the level of your sex drive… and the amount of seminal fluid that your body makes… even though everybody has “the problem” to some degree there is variation within “normal human parameters” (just like there are tall and short people within a certain range).

If you think you “need” this for physical reasons, you must control your lust which means you cannot think about sex with others while masturbating (I suggest you focus on your own body and enjoy the sensations that you are experiencing… this is what I did from age 11, sometimes in front of a mirror… it is not sinful to have a healthy fondness for your own body provided that you dont go to extreme and become too narcissistic)…. and you may need to deal with guilt (because the devil is going to accuse you and make you feel that you have failed God…. because you were not “strong enough”  to overcome your “need” to masturbate).

COPING WITH LUST

You cannot fight lust by “trying  not to think lustful thoughts”…. because trying not to think of something automatically causes you to think about it… you stop thinking about something, when you focus your attention on SOMETHING ELSE… therefore I advise that you spend your time learning the Bible (your Word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against you – Psalm 119:11 ) and other stuff, like hobbies and schoolwork… this is not only a cure for lust, but a cure for ANY problem in your thoughts… from “depression” to “boredom”… is cured by learning to control (taking charge of) your thoughts… 2 Corinthians 10:5 “… bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ”

COPING WITH GUILT

Most Christian people who tell you that masturbation is wrong….  use your guilt as proof…. they will say “you feel wrong” because God has put this guilt there to let you know that He does not approve… but in most cases this guilt comes directly from these adults in the church who tell you that it is sinful… they make you believe that it is sinful…  your guilty conscience before God interferes with your fellowship with Him and so the devil (and all his demons) just LOVE you to have a “guilty conscience”…. you need to know that GUILT can originate from both God and the devil…. although God can use your guilt to show you that you have done wrong and so bring about salvation…. the devil can also accuse you and make you feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong, and he does this with glee, because he knows it will upset your relationship to God.

What do you do when you feel guilty about something ?

First, check yourself against the Bible… if your guilt has come about because you have sinned, then confess it and ask forgiveness in Jesus name and then REFUSE to accept any more guilt about it….. but also, if after you have checked out the Bible you find there is NO CAUSE for your guilt…. PRAISE THE LORD… and REFUSE the devil’s lie.

CONCLUSION

The Bible says NOTHING about masturbation (or jerking off, as it is commonly called)…. the passage in Genesis 38:8-10 is not about masturbation but about BIRTH CONTROL… Onan did not want the woman to have a child from him and THAT is what displeased God (because he was supposed to give the woman a child on behalf of his dead brother).

This does not mean that masturbation is to be desired, but what it DOES mean is that the physical act is not, of itself, a sin…. therefore it IS possible to masturbate with a clean conscience and God’s favor… but whether this is possible for YOU is quite another matter…. why not talk directly to God about it ?… and  accept His guidance on the matter…. because He alone knows you intimately and it (should be) Him that you are trying to please.

Masturbation can lead to lust, guilt and sexual addiction in any boy…. BUT it does not HAVE TO end this way because you have the LORD… you can be DELIVERED through the power of Jesus from anything, according to your faith…. and masturbation may lead some people into sin (if you do not RESIST the devil and STOP that from happening)

You see… the Christian life is not simply a matter of rules… but is a constant lifelong walk… occasionally stumbling as we go… WE must constantly, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, monitor our thoughts and actions and be prepared to adjust our attitudes and behavior on a daily basis… only then can we avoid the pitfalls of extremism and hypocrisy.

If you masturbate do NOT abandon GOD because you may feel unable to stop masturbating… GOD has so much more planned for your life, try to see the “bigger” picture… and do not blow this whole issue out of proportion or allow it to be a “stumbling block” in your life, because THAT IS JUST WHAT THE DEVIL WANTS (so he can pull you away from God and into further sin)

If you masturbate, PRAISE GOD for your healthy body and all the pleasure you experience from it BUT do not “overdo” it (to the point where you spend most of your time focused on this) ….. you are expected to have discipline and self-control in your life.

FOR CHRISTIAN PARENTS

Some infants and very young boys “accidentally discover” masturbation….. even though they do not even know what it is…. it’s hard to stop them from “playing with themselves” (because the pleasure link has been established) as in most cases making a fuss over it will make the situation FAR WORSE and they are too young to exert self-discipline at this age…. instead just try to get them to understand that they must do it PRIVATELY as certain things are just not appropriate when other people are around… and try to get them interested in OTHER things so they will not get unduly focused on this.

Such childhood “play” does NOT indicate they will grow up to be “sex obsessed” adults…. but drawing too much attention to it, by making it into a “big deal”, will increase their focus in this area.

I hope this article helps somebody…. please leave a comment or email me if you wish.

MY TESTIMONY

I was a Christian child who lived in total innocence until puberty struck…. as a teenager, I regarded “sex” as a curse…. the dreams, the soiled sheets… although masturbation freed me from that and I remained a virgin (as far as girls were concerned)…. it brought guilt and all the problems I have mentioned in this article….. I now have a wonderful wife that God chose specifically for me (we have been married for 21 years) and He is still delivering me from all the “problems” that I brought upon myself because of my many wrong choices (not the masturbation issue)…. What am I trying to tell you ?… ABSTINENCE IS YOUR BETTER CHOICE… but if it is already  “too late for that” DO NOT DESPAIR… God can repair and restore your life….. He can “restore to you the years that the locusts have eaten” (Joel 2:25)….. take all your despair and frustration to God and allow Him to make something beautiful out of your life…. BELIEVE ME, HE CAN DO IT FOR YOU TOO.

There is much more on MASTURBATION in my post on SEX -https://stephenmendes.wordpress.com/2011/12/11/

A HELPFUL GUIDE to all the QUESTIONS that growing boys have is located at
The Boys’ Growing Up in the Lord